Click-To-Buy Relationships

It’s very easy in this day and age to let the fact that we know exactly what we want and that we can get it any time filter into our personal lives. Products might work that way, people don’t. Individuals have their own ideas about how their lives should be and problems arise when two people aren’t working towards the same goal.

Taking a step back and realising that with our relationships, we can’t be so demanding is critical to their survival. I’m the ultimate consumer. If I want something I have to have it instantly, hence the huge iTunes bill every month. But this instant consumerism becomes the expectation for other areas. However, in reality, like my increasing credit card bill, and especially in relationships, this expectation is not sustainable.

This is partly the reason, in my opinion, why relationships don’t last as long as they used to. People have become inherently selfish. They want what they want and they want it now and if they can’t get that gratification or satisfaction from their significant other, they are willing to move on and find it somewhere else.

Part of me agrees with this attitude; life is short and the pace is faster than it has ever been. Why should we waste our time with someone or something that doesn’t fulfil us in the way we believe we deserve to be fulfilled? But, part of me believes that if two people once shared a genuine bond or connection on some deeper level, there must be a way in which they can get that back, if they are both willing to put in the required amount of effort it takes to get there.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that whilst I want to get rid of my existing apple gadget every time they release a shiny upgraded version, I don’t want to recycle people in this way. I want to work towards repairing old relationships before trading one in for a new shiny one that will ultimately become outdated too.

Life can be really difficult at times and it can seem like there are choices we must make that could have damaging consequences on our chosen lifestyle. But if we take the time before reacting as quickly as we do in other areas of life, we can discover that sometimes putting in a bit of effort and trying to repair something can be just as satisfying as ripping the wrapping off of something new.

Train Comes, I Don’t Know It’s Destination…

Sugababes are my No.2 artist on my Last.fm profile, http://www.last.fm/user/JamieTrendy which has been operative since 2007. So in the past 5 years, I have only listened to Mariah Carey more than I have the Sugababes, who are closely followed by Kelly Clarkson. I love music and I care about my artists so…

After the news that Heidi Range will be a contestant on this year’s Dancing on Ice was announced this week, I’ve been listening to more Sugababes music (than usual), working through their albums in chronological order.

As much as I enjoy the music from ‘Sweet 7’, it did contain some great, contemporary pop singles; the essence of the band’s original sound has most certainly gone being replaced with on-trend, generic, US produced, R&B dance-pop.

The band’s previously thought-provoking, and heartfelt lyrics about youth, growing-up, relationship struggles and the challenges of living life replaced with odes to ‘dancing in the club’, telling us how they ‘wanna party like’ they’re ‘getting lost up in the music’.

This output would be fine if it were coming from a band such as The Pussycat Dolls, who are a band known for their hyper-sexualised image, outfits leaving very little to the imagination and their body-contorting dance routines. But it isn’t, it’s coming from the Sugababes, a band who rose to fame partly due to their resistance of such expected girl-band behaviour.

They were known for their frosty gaze, their moods, their standing and delivering songs without so much as a sway and this made them successful. It’s understandable, they were teenagers, their image was reflecting the way they felt at the time – but this gave them an identity. It’s natural that as older women, who are more confident and have grown into their sexuality, they would want to display a more risqué image; but it shouldn’t be at the detriment of their music, or their success.

Would we have cared if Sugababes had sung ‘Overload’, dressed in black leather hot pants and black leather boob tube with thigh high PVC boots..? No, because it would have still been a great pop song. And therein lays the key. The Sugababes need to get back to releasing great pop songs.

Quite often, Sugababes’ album tracks were much better songs than their singles; unfortunately labels must have their artists release ‘commercial’ singles to promote an album, which means that the album sells and people may hear more of the music the artist intended to record. Which is another point, the Sugababes were heavily involved in the writing of their albums, this involvement has deteriorated to the point where on ‘Sweet 7’, there isn’t one single writing credit from a band member.

It makes no sense for an artist to relinquish control of their sound, which also correlates with their diminishing chart positions. I just doubt that the girls themselves have very much say with their label (whether they actually have one is uncertain) and A&R, as they will be new artists, without established relationships and successful chart positions as collateral.

If Sugababes management are relying on the bands longest serving member appearing on a show in which flailing celebrities dance on ice skates to revive the brand, I’m not holding out much hope for any new material from the girls ever surfacing.

I appreciate that the days of TOTP & SM:TV, which artists used to promote their music, are behind us and the only way artists can gain exposure is through begrudgingly taking part in such shows but Sugagabes are an already established brand who are still tabloid fodder almost daily. Admittedly, regarding their downfall and lack of direction; but still, as is often said, bad publicity is good publicity. The press, the music buying people can be as forgiving as they are fickle.

All we want is one really great pop song, when they’ve already given us so many.

C’mon Sugababes, it can’t be that hard…

When You Say Nothing At All…

Somebody I care about a great deal is going through a rough time losing his father. Losing a parent is obviously a difficult time for anyone and it got me thinking about the relationship I have with my father, or lack thereof.

I haven’t seen my father for coming on fourteen years. The last time, I was around fourteen, was when he knocked on the living room window of my mum’s house, unannounced, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas. Previous to this I hadn’t seen him for at least four years. He lives about a 10 minute drive from my mum’s house, so there wasn’t a distance or access issue. He just isn’t a particularly good parent.

Fathers definitely have an easier ride than mothers. ‘Single-mother’ is something you hear much more often than ‘single-father’. I don’t believe this reflects poorly on the behaviour of men in general, but says more about the bond between a mother and her child being infinitely stronger than that of the child and the bystander in the delivery room. Without the bystander though, there would have failed to be a child in the first instance.

The thing that baffles me and you’ll see why I was reminded of this, is that if my father died, I wouldn’t know. If the person without whose input I would have existed ceased to exist, I would have no knowledge of it. This totally confuses me and to this day, it’s the one thing regarding my past that I have never really been able to deal with and file away.

I’m not saying that I want any contact with my father, or to have a relationship with him. I’m perfectly happy the way I am. He made choices in life that led to him not having regular contact with his son. I was a child, I didn’t make that decision. As far as the excuse that my mother would have had control or bearing over that choice, I think it is flawed.

I know my mother; she can be an argumentative, unforgiving and cold to somebody she believes has wronged her and my father did let her down in massive proportions. The end of a relationship is always difficult and theirs was destructive when it was ongoing and it broke down monumentally when they ended. She would have made, not single-handedly, contact with me difficult through the arguments that took place when they did see each other on planned Sunday visits.

The choices my dad made regarding maintenance and support of my upbringing were also flawed; this is what caused my mother the most stress and, in turn, the anger that was directed towards him. I had a difficult upbringing, it was hard for my mother to make ends meet, but I never went without to which I am of course eternally grateful.

My father got off lightly. He’s to this day never had to apologise, he’s never had to explain the mistakes he made and give valid reasons for making them, which I think makes him a fundamentally flawed person. I can’t imagine what it must be like to know that a life that I produced goes on day-to-day and I have no relationship with that person.

He made huge mistakes in his life, through which he caused hardship, pain and distress to others that he’s never been held accountable for, never had to process internally for his own benefit and for the benefit of those he hurt. I don’t think I personally would be able to forgive myself. I’d go to the grave an unhappy and unfulfilled person.

I wonder if he thinks this way about himself, or if he has come to peace with his poor performance as a father, someone who is supposed to also be a mentor, a confidante and a friend…

Starved of affection: The curse of a gay

Starved of affection: The Curse of a gay? 

Sat by the pool at the Banyan Tree in Bangkok; the perfect way to relax in such an intense and claustrophobic city. The running water from the pool’s waterfall drowns out the noise from the traffic below. The smell of Lemongrass wafts through the air luxuriously. 

Couples in the pool laughing, hugging, kissing and splashing one another playfully; enjoying the romantic setting. 

I should correct that last sentence; ‘Straight couples…’

I want to enjoy that intimacy, that carefree enjoyment of being somewhere wonderful with someone that I love – but without the fear of it becoming a spectacle, or offending someone. Instead, we swim in the pool separately, aren’t tactile with one another and show no affection. An observer would have no idea that we were indeed a couple. I find this a great shame. 

Is this something that as a gay person in this day and age it is right to tolerate? Is it best to take others into consideration and maintain a respectful distance – even to the detriment of one’s happiness and enjoyment. 

Should I not have the right, the same as a normal couple to act how I wish to act..? 

Or, is that right already present? Does the fear that is subconsciously instilled in us as growing up as being ‘different’ prevent us as gays from acting how we wish through fear of some kind of negative reaction?

I agree that public displays of affection can be a little sickening sometimes, but I think that as a straight couple there doesn’t have to be a second thought as to whether you can hug, kiss or express a simple burst of genuine feeling for your loved one. Something as simple as holding your other half’s hand wouldn’t be the catalyst for a tirade of abuse. 

Sometimes I wish it were different, that I were different. Just to see what it would be like…

Peace out, 

J xx

How NOT To Write…

I will be a published author by the time I’m 32.

It’s an ambitious, yet realistic and attainable target.

My four point plan:

1. Write an amazing book.
2. Find a literary agent.
3. Find a publisher.
4. Be rich beyond my wildest dreams; receive global acclaim and honorary degree from Yale.

Planning is done. Characterisation is in the early stages. Creating characters that people care about is not easy, it seems. However, I am convinced I have created an interesting premise for a series of young-adult novels that are entertaining, appealing, poignant, inspirational and importantly in this day and age, commercially viable.

The thing I’m finding difficult about achieving this goal is in knowing where to begin. You can plan for years, down to every detail, every moment in each characters history – but this isn’t necessary.

I have a fear of putting pen to paper until I know exactly what it is I want to say.

Maybe I need to be more spontaneous in my approach to writing, let the words flow and allow the characters to come to life naturally in this way. It’s difficult enough to write about what you know without writing about people you’re fabricating from your own mind. What are their motivations, their dreams, their fears – all of these factors contribute to the the dialogue, their actions and their interactions with others.I know what it is I want to say about the world and I know how I want to use these characters to say it. It’s the details that get me caught up and confused.

I have a two-week holiday to Thailand booked and I leave on Sunday. No activities are planned other than relaxing on the beach, which I’m not very good at; I get restless. I think I shall use this opportunity to put pen to paper, old fashioned style, and write.

I can’t wait to get away, it’s been nearly 6 years since I had a beach holiday (there have been city breaks, which I love) and I deserve a break. I want to use this time to reconnect with myself, straighten out some priorities and address some concerns I have with the way my life is headed.

Generally, it’s not great for me to have time to think – but Thailand is an excellent place for reconnecting with the more spiritual element of my personality. It reminds me of good times, with great and likeminded people, it reminds me of happiness and it reminds me of freedom.

I think the setting, having free time and being able to live like a king for relatively next to nothing will really help me out right now.

There are some big decisions to be made, I’ll let you know how it goes…

Peace out,

J xx

Uh-oh… He’s on a downer!

I’m a happy person, generally. We’re all entitled to an off day though, right?

This past couple of days I’ve been feeling a little down. I guess there are a number of contributing factors and not just one of them could be causing it, I’m sure it’s a combination of a few.

I try to have a positive outlook on life. I try to think positive so that positive things come my way, I believe in karma and I believe in treating people as I expect to be treated. Let’s be clear: I don’t go out of my way to perform incredible philanthropic acts, I’m not vying for sainthood. But in day to day life, I try to be a good person.

I’d like to think that if people were to describe me, one of the things they’d mention is that I’m a fun person to be around. I like to make people laugh, I enjoy seeing people smile. Which is why it always hits me quite hard when I do go through a down spell.

We Scorpio’s are people of intensity, which contributes too. I’m either really up, or really down and this past two days have been a little tough.

It’s probably the same worries that most people have on a day to day basis, but they have been getting to me more so this past 48 hours. I wish I had more money, less debt, better job maybe utilising some kind of natural talent, my own place, healthier family, less body fat, more muscle, better hair, to live in London or maybe New York, a new iMac, to be with the love of my life in a fairytale like land of love and adoration, to be a published author, a successful recording artist, star of the West End, to name but a few.

The part of me that wants all of these things is very closely linked to the part of me that knows that all you get out of life is what you put into it. I remind myself of that every day. It’s quite difficult, though, on a day-in-day-out basis to put these kind of plans into action. The routine gets in the way, doesn’t it…Work, lunch, work, gym, high protein meal, bed. It doesn’t leave much room for world domination and building some kind of global multimedia talent superstar empire. #sadface

In all honesty, I’ve never been the most motivated person. I’ve achieved some great things in my life so far, that I’m really proud of. I’ve also done plenty of things I’m not so proud of, but let’s not get into that right now…

I just don’t feel right now that I’m doing anything in my life that I’m particularly proud of, which gets me down. I’m the kind of person that always wants to expand my horizons, to learn something new, to rise to a new challenge.

I guess a time for a reassessment of my priorities is due. What do I want from life and why do I want it. Then, more importantly; how am I going to get it?

I’ll keep you posted.

Peace out,

J xx

War is Peace

George Orwell’s ‘Nineteen-Eighty-Four’ has been one of my favourite novels since I read it whilst studying English Literature. I’ve read it multiple times and I’m sure I’ll never tire of it. I much prefer fiction with a philosophical, thought provoking, socio-political focus. I don’t believe in investing time in an activity unless it changes me in some way, however small that may be. This book certainly changed me; it changed the way I think about life in a radical way.

I’ve never been one to believe that we are born, we live and we die and that’s it; which is an entirely different topic, but it relates in a sense that I don’t believe that life is pointless. Just as Winston Smith believes, against the party doctrine, that his life should make an impact in the world through something as simple as finding love with another person in a totalitarian state where even the idea love is forbidden.

A conversation yesterday evening got me thinking. I was spending an evening with the guy who has featured in past posts and we agreed to disagree on something which featured in a news report regarding bin Laden’s death. If the conversation had continued, it probably could have got quite heated, as conversations which are based around such subjects often do, due to the fact that different people’s feelings differ greatly and the subject matter is quite evocative.

Scottish troops in Pakistan were at an abandoned Al Qaeda base, which barely resembled habitation as you or I know it. The base was manufactured from rudimentary material and entirely abandoned. Conveniently, the troops found a number of passports and ID’s belonging to supposed Al Qaeda members. You’re doing a bunk as your former leader has been killed by US troops, the first thing you’d grab would be your bloody passport! I digress…

I made a remark as the Scottish soldiers whooped and cheered like spectators at a football match as they blew up the dwelling. A passing comment which held much weight in terms of my opinion of the type of person it takes to become a soldier, the mentality that takes pleasure in destruction, the blindness patriotism and sense of duty to a mere ideology. My comment wasn’t agreed with and was met with a valid response in terms of the fact that destroying that building might prevent enemies using it in the future, which I can completely appreciate. My issue is with the glorification of conflict, combat, torture and war that is broadcast into living rooms around the country on a nightly basis and the underlying reasoning behind it.

We have been at war with terror for 10 years now, since the 9/11 atrocities. The most interesting part of that last sentence for me is the way we refer to it as a ‘war on terror’. Terror is the enemy. The enemy is no longer a tangible, quantifiable subject. There isn’t a particular man, woman, president, leader or even group of people with which we are at war.

This is where Orwell comes in…

Just as in Nineteen Eighty-Four, in which at points, the protagonist, Winston Smith cannot remember which of the other superpowers, Eastasia & Eurasia, the Party (the totalitarian government that rules Oceania) is at war with at that present time.

‘In one combination or another, these three super-states are permanently at war, and have been so for the past twenty-five years. War, however, is no longer the desperate, annihilating struggle that it was in the early decades of the twentieth century. It is a warfare of limited aims between combatants who are unable to destroy one another, have no material cause for fighting and are not divided by any genuine ideological difference.’ (2.9.22, Goldstein’s Manifesto) Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell.

Whilst we may not be at war with other superpowers as in Orwell’s vision. We are continually at war. There has been and never will be in my lifetime, I’m sure, a period free from conflict. Conflict is necessary for society to function as it presently does. I’m sure we would all prefer a better standard of living, cheaper oil, to pay less tax. But subconsciously we know that there are sacrifices we must make during times of conflict to contribute to the success of the country as we are seeing on a nightly basis the propaganda, which is what the news effectively is, screened into our homes.

‘The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labor […]. The social atmosphere is that of a besieged city, where the possession of a lump of horseflesh makes the difference between wealth and poverty. And at the same time the consciousness of being at war, and therefore in danger, makes the handing-over of all power to a small caste seem the natural, unavoidable condition of survival.’ (2.9.28, Goldstein’s Manifesto) Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell.

We only have to look at the way World War Two is remembered; the community spirit, the effort on the home front and the rationing. The country accepted that this sacrifice had to be made to fight the ideology of the Nazi enemy. Propaganda was much more blatant then as the general public weren’t as media savvy as we are these days. Bt even now we fail to see that we are being manipulated in the same way to accept rationing in it’s modern form – the rise in VAT, the rise in petrol prices, inflation of the price of food.

This is the way that society is structured and always has been intended to be structured by the leaders that need the proletariat (the working classes) to continue on their self-destructive cycle and never realise that the power to change lies with them.

‘So long as they (the Proles) continued to work and breed, their other activities were without importance. Left to themselves, they like cattle [...] had reverted to a style of life that appeared to be natural to them, a sort of ancestral pattern. Heavy physical work, the care of home and children, petty quarrels with neighbours, films, football, beer and above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult.’ Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell.

We live in a society saturated with distractions from the real issues in life, the things we like to moan about but think we have no control over. We do have control. The power lies with the many, not the few. It’s time to take start thinking more about the world around us, how it is run and how we can make in an impact and change it for the better, not just for ourselves, but for future generations.

Maybe it’s not too ridiculous to suggest a world without a constant enemy, a need to be sacrificing a better way of life or to live in fear.

War has become peace and freedom has become slavery, just as Orwell predicted. But one thing in my mind is certain:

Ignorance will never become strength.